This may have been one of those times I went out with someone out of sheer boredom. I left the date wishing I had stayed home… For more than one reason.
So I went out with a guy one time, who was absolutely not my type. But I was trying to keep an open mind and tell myself that, even though he wasn’t someone I would normally go for, he might still be fun. He asked me out for dinner one night. “Dinner.” So I said yes and met him at this “restaurant,” and we both walked inside. I thought we were going to have like, a real dinner. But it was order at the counter and have -a- seat -until -your -number- is -called-style. And there’s nothing wrong with that. All I can say is Subway would have been a better option than this place.
Now we go to order and he asks me if I want to split a sandwich…and I’m thinking no…but I said “Sure! That sounds great.” (“Dammit , why did you say that?!”) Don’t most people split like, milkshakes? So he orders a pulled pork sandwich and I order a glass of white wine. Side note: Who even orders white wine with a pulled pork sandwich? I don’t know. He reaches for his wallet and pulls out his debit card, handing it to the lady at the register. She runs it. Then she says “Sorry this is declined.” He says, “Oh, run it again,” and she says “I did.” So he gives her another one and awkwardly looks at me, shrugs his shoulders and says “It happens.” I didn’t say anything as I reached over and grabbed my plastic , party cup of wine thinking “Oh god , I’m going to need this.” Just as we sit down he tells me he’s not going to be able to stay long because, his DOG is in the car. Wait what?! Who brings their fucking dog on a date with them? I asked “Well, is your dog going to be ok…?” I hate when people do that…leave their pets in the car. He said “Oh yeah, he’ll be fine he goes everywhere with me.” I guess it’s a good excuse to get out of a date , if you need one. Maybe I’ll try that line in the future.
So we’re sitting down and we start talking about what we like to do for fun. He tells me he really loves to get together with his girl friends and go out to the bars and have a good time. So I asked him what he liked to drink , and he said “I really like fruity cocktails.” But it didn’t stop there, he actually went on to say that he always tries to find the “fruitiest” cocktail on the menu and try it. I thought that was interesting…I mean…he had a funny accent, loved to spend time with his “girl friends,” and loved fruity cocktails. I was suspicious…But I just sat there, and ate my half of the sandwich, which by the way was horrible. I don’t even eat pork. Picture a dry hoagie type bun with shredded pork and jalapenos on it. Yep, I ate that. And I paid for it later.
So I started telling him about myself and what I like to do for fun and what I did for a living. The normal stuff… and this fucker has the audacity to cut me off and tell me, “You, don’t seem like a very strong willed person.” Umm…I’m sorry could you repeat that? You know when you’re watching a movie and something happens and you hear that sound where the record skips and the people in the movie have that look on their faces like “What the fuck just happened?” Well this was one of those moments. I was kind of dumbfounded and at a loss for words. He says, “I could be wrong, its just a feeling I get.” I don’t know why I didn’t just get up right then and there and dump my plastic cup of wine right on his lap, but it would have given this date the “happy ending” it deserved. Instead I continued to sit there pissed off that this guy just totally insulted me and he doesn’t even know the first thing about me! Why I continued to endure this bullshit I’m not really sure. Now that I think back on it, I really wish I had gotten up and left. I mean…the nerve of him! To try and tell ME who he THINKS I am.
I don’t know how much longer I sat there pretending to listen to him, but I finally let out a sigh and told him I had to be somewhere. (And I actually did need to be somewhere, like home, getting sick from this fucking food I ate.) And right now I was 0-2 for getting sick on my dates. So we leave the sandwich shop , I get in my car and drive home. He sends me a text saying, “You were fun, not sure if we would get along or kill each other but it might be fun finding out.” What the fuck? No. Just no. But to be polite, I responded with a thanks but no thanks. And just like that , the date was over. And though it only lasted an hour or so, that was the longest hour of my life. And now I’ve decided, if I go out with someone and they don’t like something about me, 1) They can go fuck themselves and 2) I don’t want to be everyones cup of tea. Im happy just being me. Also , I hope he got as sick as I did from that damn sandwich.
One response to “Sandwich for Two…”
Another great story! I guess a-holes are everywhere. I really love your stories, so funny!
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